- The New York Mets have fired GM Jared Porter after he admitted sending explicit, unsolicited texts and images to a female reporter in 2016.
- Porter sent over 60 unanswered texts including several sexually explicit photos.
- New York Mets owners Steven Cohen fired Porter in a matter of hours after the report of his sexual harassment hit the media.
I don’t know whether or not ‘the guys get shirts‘ but New York Mets owner Steven Cohen ‘swung like a hammer’ and fired sleazebag GM Jared Porter on Monday morning. Porter was nailed for sexual harassment and generally being a creep after reports surfaced that he had gone on a 60+ text message tirade directed at what is described as ‘a female sports correspondent that had moved to the US to cover baseball. After it became obvious that the reporter was ignoring him he went with the ‘bulge in the pants’ photo a couple of times before he dropped the inevitable denouement, a picture of his erect crank.
As the story goes, Porter met the woman when he was working for the Chicago Cubs. They spoke briefly, exchanged business cards and that was the only interaction they had. For some reason, Porter construed this as a sign of mad passionate sexual interest. The text exchange started innocently enough but for some strange reason the woman stopped responding to Porter’s increasingly unprofessional missives–complimenting her appearance, asking her to meet him in various cities and so forth. According to ESPN which broke the story she quit responding after he went with the ‘boner in sweatpants’ photo. Funny how that works.
Undeterred, Porter continued to text the woman initially going with the always effective ‘why aren’t you responding’ inquiries. Pro tip: if a woman is even halfway interested in you she’ll respond. Never in the history of the world has a disinterested woman *ever* suddenly warmed up the 25th time she gets a text that says ‘why aren’t you answering me beautiful’. For some reason, Porter–who in no way resembles a young Brad Pitt–thought that the right move was to ‘announce his presence with authority’ and emphasize his dubious physical pulchritude with another ‘boner in sweatpants‘ photo.
Obviously, thought Porter, her phone is malfunctioning and she didn’t get the 60+ previous messages or the ‘boner in sweatpants’ photo so he decided to move to DefCon 5 and sent a picture of his erect schlong. Shockingly, the unsolicited sight of Porter’s genitalia didn’t cause the woman to immediately change her tune. At this point, he starts trying to–for lack of a better term–‘walk back’ his sleazebag behavior but not before getting off the classic question ‘is it too much for you’. Yep, Jared, that’s it. She could sense by your mere aura that you were so well endowed that it intimidated her. The photos merely confirmed that fact.
Actually….here’s how she responded to the photo of Porter’s meat whistle:
At one point she ignored more than 60 messages from Porter before he sent a final lewd photo of an erect, naked penis. After receiving the vulgar image, she responded, “This is extremely inappropriate, very offensive, and getting out of line. Could you please stop sending offensive photos or msg.” He later apologized in a series of text messages.
Here’s how ESPN described Porter’s dirtbag texting spree:
At 2:44 a.m. the next day, Porter texted: “I want to see you.” Seven hours later, he wrote: “Do you want to see me?” Three hours after that, he said: “I’m sorry.” At 10:59 p.m.: “I thought we could have some fun.”
On July 23, his fourth consecutive day of texting without a response, Porter wrote: “:-( I’m a nice guy you know.” Later that day, he said: “Was it the pictures that made you mad?” That night, he sent another selfie.
Porter continued to text the woman sporadically, asking on Aug. 8: “Are you ok?” The next day, both were at Wrigley Field. “I think I just saw you,” Porter wrote. “You’re so beautiful.”
The woman told ESPN she felt panicky and hid from him.
A day later, Porter texted: “I’ll be in LA this weekend at the best hotel in America, can you meet me there?” The day after that, Aug. 11, Porter sent the woman a message at 5:35 p.m. that said: “You’re missing out.” He followed with the 17 pictures, including the one of the naked penis.
When ESPN contacted Porter he didn’t exactly have a Clinton-esque denial:
Reached by ESPN on Monday evening, Porter acknowledged texting with the woman. He initially said he had not sent any pictures of himself. When told the exchanges show he had sent selfies and other pictures, he said that “the more explicit ones are not of me. Those are like, kinda like joke-stock images.”
After asking whether ESPN was planning to run a story, he asked for more time before later declining further comment.
Because what grown man *doesn’t* have “stock photos” of other dudes’ cranks at the ready on his cellphone?
To their credit, the Mets wasted no time in showing Porter the door. Initially, Mets president Sandy Alderson sent out this mealy mouthed response. To be fair, it was the middle of the night on a National Holiday and Alderson probably wanted to get some guidance from the guys that sign the checks before he made a more definitive statement. At least I hope that was his thinking:
“I have spoken directly with Jared Porter regarding events that took place in 2016 of which we were made aware tonight for the first time. Jared has acknowledged to me his serious error in judgment, has taken responsibility for his conduct, has expressed remorse and has previously apologized for his actions. The Mets take these matters seriously, expect professional and ethical behavior from all of our employees, and certainly do not condone the conduct described in your story. We will follow up as we review the facts regarding this serious issue.”
This all ended when team owner Steve Cohen got wind of the situation:
Cohen made the right move and did so in record time. Can’t add much to his statement.
For the last time:
- No women want an unsolicited picture of your crank. To send one is the height of sleazy behavior.
- If a woman *does* want to see your crank she’ll make clear that she does.
- If a woman is interested in you she won’t ignore your texts. She might be busy, asleep, at work, etc. but if there is an interest she’ll respond in due course.
- If she is not interested in you no amount of ‘why aren’t you answering beautiful’ type messages–and shockingly no amount of ‘boner in sweatpants’ or ‘naked crank’ photos–will cause her to reconsider.
Feel free to clip this list and keep in your wallet.